It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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