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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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