areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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