the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
