My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
