Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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