it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
