I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
