Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
