WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He passed out mid-signature
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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