rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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