just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
