So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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