wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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