The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
