If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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