That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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