I skipped work to stalk him.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
