I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
