hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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