we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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