I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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