I am puke
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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