Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
