I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is in my trunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
