Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
