yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
