I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
