guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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