I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
