where am i from again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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