Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
