come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
