i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
