I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
