i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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