I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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