I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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