life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize