U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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