I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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