I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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