The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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