just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
