and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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