I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize