i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
