Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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