Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
