I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
