He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
