every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
