remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
