Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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