i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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