i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
