Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
