God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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