come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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