He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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