Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
do nipples grow back?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
