he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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