Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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