I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
