I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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