when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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