the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
