Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize