Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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