I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
