dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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