Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
