I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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