but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
