My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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