A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
