my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Randomize
