But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
