so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
