Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
