I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
