How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
