wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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