Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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