Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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