Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize