Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
