I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
