Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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