Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
