We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize