i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
