i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
