whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's always time for handjobs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize