My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
