well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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