so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
