I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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