how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
